You scratch my back, I scratch your back...

I'm becoming more and more convinced that people these days have long forgotten how the world works and what the dynamics are. The age old wisdom of "you scratch my back, I scratch your back" seems to have been forgotten. There are many examples of this, even from my personal life. It seems that things have become a free-for-fall, every person for themself.

One of the most simple scenarios is located in the bar setting. In a group of people, it is often very convenient to have one person at a time get rounds of drinks for everyone. That means that your group won't lose seats and that instead of everyone having to queue one at a time, only one person needs to queue. As an additional perk, this sort of exercise slowly creates trust in a group. Everyone is of course free to leave when they will, but buying rounds shows trust in the other people, that they are not opportunists only looking to score a free drink. Of course, even in this simple game, there are still two types of people who ruin it: a) the idiots who do not understand the nature of the game at all and b) the purely opportunistic bunch. Group b) is easy: evolutionary biology has a concept of reciprocal altruism, and when a parasite is present, it is cast out of the society as punishment. In the bar setting it means getting a round for everyone else but the castout. Group a) is more difficult, as this bunch consists of morons who just don't understand, for one reason or another, the dynamics. What should one do with this group?

So again, here we have another topic concerning trust and altruism. Trust could be understood as a two-sided issue. On on hand trust could be said to exist when two or more players optimize their own utility and where their utility functions are aligned so that it is in the interest of both parties not to screw the other party. On the other hand, trust also requires belief and confidence that even though you expose yourself, the other party does not attempt to opportunistically benefit and increase their utility at your expense.

Now, there was an interesting case tonight at dinner. It may not inherently have that much to do with opportunism, but there is a longer term trend appearing which might suggest something to that extent. It is of course not fair to suggest that it would've been the case today, but passive opportunism may still lurk about. Anyway, it is interesting how this group a) is also very much unable to understand and arrange a trivial operation, such as reserving a table at a restaurant, let alone arriving at the agreed time. And I admit that even though being 5-10 minutes late is still annoying, it can be tolerated. Being 50 minutes late is very interesting, indeed. Now, the other interesting issue arose at the end of the dinner, when I indicated in an annoyed fashion that considering the overall course of the evening, it would fit the theme for me to pick up the bill. I have nothing against picking up a bill as such, but considering the amount of bills that I've picked up here and there, I would've assumed someone else to step in and offer to take it. But no. This is what I would label as passive opportunism.

It is, of course, always possible to start doing math afterwards and split the bill by calling people up and asking them to pay their parts. This, however, is very tasteless, in my opinion. As described above, I understand the system to work in the way that the next time I'm out to dinner, someone else could pick up the bill. But alas, with some people this is too much to expect, and I am at a loss whether to just admit defeat and begin calling in all the beers and dinners and other such tabs that I've picked up in the past.

And finally, for the two top tips of the evening: 1) do not be late for if you've agreed on a time and do reserve a table if there are more than two people coming, and 2) if someone buys a round or picks up a bill, do remember this in the future and do return the favor. Nobody likes a leech, and unless there are other understandings in play, the default dynamics remain the ones to live by.

As I final note, however, I have to admit that all of this is still fairly minute when compared to the entirely rotten group of people who always actively want something from you when they contact you, but never extend a helping hand themselves.