Swimming briefs or not?

I am increasingly convinced that doing a triathlon next summer is a good idea. The exact variant is yet to be determined, but I'm starting to think that maybe a sprint distance at 750m swimming, 40km cycling and 10km running is a good way to get acquainted with the sport. So, why triathlons? The rationalized answer is because practicing the three different sports may in fact be more healthy in the long run when compared to only running, which itself puts a fair bit of pressure on joints and whatnot when running around the pavements in the Helsinki area. But that's not the real reason. The real reason of course is because I seriously want a new roadbike and what better way to rationalize the acquisition than to state that I absolutely need one for a triathlon.

Anyway, cycling and running should not be too difficult. The thing I'm slightly worried about is swimming and the fact that it's about a decade or so since I've last done any swimming. I'm just not that into the whole water business and I've never really liked spending time on beaches and such. You just get sand everywhere and you can't even dress like a human since it's too bloody hot and typically there aren't even shades around. But yeah, swimming is quite relevant from the perspective of a triathlon and fortunately enough it's also the first part of the shebang, meaning that if I happen to drown, at least I didn't waste effort in cycling and running. Fail fast, if you will.

So, swimming then needs to be tackled and naturally you need the appropriate attire to swim, namely the swimming suit. And oh joy, here we stumble on the age old argument about whether or not men can wear swimming briefs ("Speedos") or not, and of course I can't let a fight like this slide by without taking a stance. And of course the answer is that the only appropriate way to dress is with swimming briefs, or "Speedos". Period. End of story. It's as simple as that.

If you think about it, it's in fact quite obvious and I don't understand why there even is such a big fuss about the topic. First of all, swimming is exercising and when exercising, your attire is based on functionality. When training, it doesn't matter if you look stupid or not, the point is that you must dress in a functional fashion. I'm always baffled when you see women in polo shirts and sporting nail polish show up in gyms and pretend to work out. I go to gyms to work out and get sweaty, ergo I dress appropriately and don't really care whether it fits my sartorial image or not. And in terms of swimming, the appropriate and functional way to dress in in swimming briefs: they offer better movement ability and the fact that they are not a tent (unlike the things the Americans wear) you can actually swim more efficiently. And when you're done and leaving the swimming pool, they also dry fast and don't take as much space.

Now, someone will of course start bitching and moaning about the fact that they look ugly when you're on the beach and women will never like you if you wear "Speedos". Those just demonstrate prejudice and small mindedness. And besides, the point is moot since there is absolutely no reason why a civilized person would go on the sand to grill themselves in the first place. So that point is purely hypothetical anyway. Instead of being chavs, civilized men instead will spend their summers doing something productive, like sailing or playing sports, and dress appropriately. And when just lounging around, they shall anyway wear long trousers (preferrably linen or some other lightweight fabric) and polo shirts to look reasonable.

So there you go, the whole argument about briefs or not briefs when going swimming is hereby solved once and for all.