On introspection...

Introspection is quite a fun hobby, and I think quite many of my blog entries actual deal with a certain need to understand myself (yeah, and because of this, they may not make for very entertaining reading to others, but that's not really my problem, now is it? :) . Even though many people have commented on the fact that I supposedly am very open and give out a lot of information about myself, I would actually describe myself very reserved and keep certain inner topics closely to myself, and to a select few others (aha! it's only now that I can precisely define what I meant earlier). The people who actually know me very well in turn have commented that if I'd spend all the effort I put towards introspection towards something "useful" (their definition, I think that's relatively subjective :), I'd be able to achieve quite many things. Oh well, I guess I'm doomed, then.

Anyway, I've acknowledged the fact that according to the MBTI test I'm an INTJ (Introverted, iNtuitive, Thinking, Judging) and that I fit the short description of the type. The problem with short descriptions are that competent people can usually craft short pieces of text with which anyone can reflect against - think about horoscopes, most of the time they don't actually say anything, but you feel that it's meant precisely for you; the horoscope itself is just so general that everyone can reflect his or her personal situation against it. That's why I've been fairly sceptical with the results of the MBTI test (especially when considering the fact that I don't really feel like shelling out ~100 dollars for some test like that and have only done some unofficial, free tests).

Now, I was just going through random topics on Wikipedia, and stumbled across the INTJ topic. I'd read it before, but had missed quite possibly the most interesting stuff there; the external links. Turns out that there was a page with a relatively detailed description of the INTJ personality, and it was eerily close to me, my views, etc. And I know this thanks to the endless introspection that I do. It also offered some clearer and more exact solutions to stuff that I hadn't yet been able to fully explain and motivate for myself. But(!), not so much good that not something bad; there were one or two things that I didn't fully agree with. For one, the article suggested that INTJs are very loyal to organizations/goals/etc. I sort of understand and associate with this, but I would suggest that instead of being fiercely loyal to an organization, I'm even more loyal to myself. I don't do charity unless I see something in it for me. I guess that's the cynic inside me talking again, but that's how I feel. The endgame or motivation for something, however, doesn't need to be purely selfish. I may do something classifiable as charity just because I feel that it furthers something that's close to me, my beliefs and my views.

That said, I'm afraid that this entry may actually be one of the most honest and open entries that I have written or will write in the future.